Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
