and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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