I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
