I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
