I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh god it's open bar.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
