so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
