you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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