My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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