3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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