Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
