Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
