This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
