I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
