You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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