That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
