a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
