I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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