In the future we'll all be gay
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
