I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
