Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
