My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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