i permit you to call me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
