Someone shit on the floor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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