I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
