I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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