apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
