Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
