Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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