O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
