We won't sleep together?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
