Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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