my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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