Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize