i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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