Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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