I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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