What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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