even my farts smell like vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize