Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
