Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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