I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You dont lie about slip and slides
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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