I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
