I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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