your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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