You're my little dorito
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize