I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
