umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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