Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
