When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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