you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
