i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sober January is a disaster.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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