I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize