I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
