I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
