I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
