the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
