is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
