My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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