Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
