shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
