wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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