He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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