She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
