right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
