Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize