can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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