Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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