Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
