the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
